I am so often my own worst critic. I expect myself to never repeat a mistake, so when I have an error, I add it to one of my mental checklists. I have a great many of them.
Remember to do this - don't forget to do that -
Oh, and I up the ante by making actual lists. On scrap paper and the backs of envelopes. I even have a package of index cards in the drawer by my chair and a pen at the ready for lists while I am online or watching television.
Now, this is not being kind to me. It is stress inducing, and more than a wee bit controlling. Then I snap at people, or get distracted because I am so focused on a list. So yes, I can see where it is being mean to myself. And if I cannot be kind to myself - how can I be truly kind to others? Or expect others to be kind to me?
So my happiness - my contentment - is first and foremost my own responsibility. Being nice, being kind to Ellen is something I really need to see if I can improve upon -
and not by making a list!
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