It has been forever since I blogged. As in years.
Losing Roger broke a part of me, and I suppose I have spent the last three years trying to figure out how to fix me. Again.
After Roger died, my brother Larry died. Then my sister in law Kathy. Then my mother in law Ann. Then my mother last March. If our reality, our beingness as people, is irrevocably defined by our connections to one another, then what happens when we lose these connections?
There is a ponderous weight to grief that pulls you down, that drowns you. Then there is the after. The dawning knowledge of a severed cord, a rope that tied you to the here and now. Then the weight of that connection is released and suddenly the lack pushes you up and away, into thinner air and fewer connections. A bit of dandelion fluff just adrift on unseen currents, no destination or plan. Just floating.
So here are some of my days...
1 May 2020
Drove to the park at the water. The park is closed but was able to sit in the car and gaze at the gentle movements of the water in the Cape Fear River. Bald Head Island looks so serene across the way. The sea gulls were raucous but entertaining. There were a few people fishing from the public access. I suppose the pier was closed as well. I count the afternoon a success.
2 May 2020
6ws⁷
Contemplating-
Quiet
Respite
Restores
Quarantine
Rankles
3 May 2020
7WS
Cerulean Sunday
Quietude reigns
Sacred contemplation
Meditation
4 May 2020
5 May 2020
Stepped outside to an encompassing aroma of sweetness. There are at least 3 varieties of clover currently blooming around the front door.
My langniappe of the day.
6 May 2020
So there was the time I told Roger I was making BLTs for lunch and I make BECs instead.
Because somehow my brain considered Bacon Egg and Cheese = Bacon Lettuce and Tomato.
He looked so puzzled...
7 May 2020
Jasmine
Honeysuckle
Wisteria
Clover
Heady aromas waft through the air
Then ...
Stench from the paper mill
Keeps it real
🙄
8 May 2020
In the rebirth of the day
May birdsong chase your blues away
And should no birds begin to sing
May grace a time of respite bring
