Sunday, March 17, 2013

In Need

One never knows the twists and turns life journey will take, one never knows which decision, which choice will be the right one, which will be the wrong one.

I am not sure what people see when they look at me, at my life. I try to be a kind, compassionate, caring person. I know I can be harsh, impatient, callous. Human nature is comprised of a conglomeration of traits - virtues, flaws, defects, an idiosyncratic.mixture that is constantly re-configuring itself.

I know I am stubborn, and proud. I know I like to laugh, and  tend towards obsessively over think situations. I am insecure in a lot of ways, and am prone to rash decisions. If people were separated into 2 groups, one being those who burn the bridges as they cross the rivers from one phase of life to the next and the other being those who maintain a smooth continuity of connections and relationships I would fall into the burner category more often than not.

I have learned these things about myself. I do the best I can, and I suppose in the end that is all any of us can do.

We as a culture judge. We look at others lives and make assumptions and judgments based on what we see. None of us know what circumstances, experiences, influences have brought a person to the particular point in the life we are privy to.

I have been out of work since October of 2010. I have a husband who is on Social Security disability. We have a house payment and monthly expenses that have not been treated kindly by the current economy. I have applied for so many jobs I have lost count.

We have had kindnesses extended, gifts from friends and relatives that have been there to provide when I could not see how provision would come. They know who they are, and they know the depth of my gratitude for their generosity.

I cannot ask for a personal loan from anyone because I do not know if or when I would be able to repay a loan. I list and list and list handmade items for sale on eBay and nothing sells. Our savings are gone. I fear our electricity may be disconnected soon.

I am in need, and I am making an open plea for charity.

This is so embarrassing for me to write. I just do not know what else to do. Any suggestions?

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