Interlude

belonging

somewhere between he and she

somewhere between me and thee

there is the place I would rather be

whether on a mountain

or by the sea

some place

any place

where I can just be

me

~ ellen apple

11/10/2016

Belonging

Beside the gravel and dirt lot
Existing between what was and is not
Leaves now withered and clinging to branch
On the hope that there will be one last chance?
Nay, the tree knows whence it resides
Green giving way to brown as time slides
Into not death but a new phase of life
Never without pangs of regret and (perhaps) strife
Goes so with nature and humankind
Belonging to such change is life aligned

~Ellen Apple
11/08/2016

Cairns of Memories

The calendar in my heart
A lifelong accessory
Each date a place to start
Cairns of memories

Small stones worn smooth
Rubbed between worrying fingers
Cumbersome boulders
Where the pain still lingers

Not linear or flat
As calendars are wont to be
Too predictable that
For a cairn of memory

Days are laid down
In rich fertile soil
Some fed with a frown
To others smiles are the toil

Squat and flat
Tall and lean
All just that
A cairn of memory

Built not to rhyme or reason
Like a calendar on the wall
Eschewing year and season
Mindful when teardrops fall

My soul-felt offering
My private grief
Some life altering
Others a relief

Destined for the ether
When my last breath is drawn
Yet setting my life meter
In the gloaming and at dawn

~ Ellen Apple 08/13/2016

In the midnight garden of my brain

Prompt: In the midnight garden of my brain


My face lifts skyward
I raise my arms
and wings unfurl
I take flight 
soaring among the clouds 
tumbling on the currents
exultation of spirit ascends
There is a beauty and grace 
In my every movement
Flawless synchronization of intent and execution
My midnight garden resides in the ether
Unbound and borderless
No depth or height
Just            being
I am so loathe to return to
Here
To Earth - reality - 
To these mortal confines
But return I must. 
I know this truth
But in the deepest recesses of my brain
A secret lies - 
I can return to this midnight garden
At Will - 
And that knowledge sufficient must be
In my daily toils

~ Ellen Apple 7/22/2016

Thursday ... and on the Eighth Day

Shared from the Facebook page of my sister from another mother, Lilian Mustelier - whose constancy and care in my life, and Roger's, has been a lagniappe from Universe in ways I cannot express.

Shots fired in the night, and at least one life lost. News from my region this morning ... and once more, random acts of violence (seem to) trump random acts of kindness. So the call goes forth, from a muted voice in an empty room, echoing across the barren landscapes and rocky peaks ... howl at the dark horse ... howl until strength lags then renews ... howl through the blistering heat and driving rain ... howl, and howl again. For the lives lost, for the hearts shattered, for the hope that must not wither.

Come away a while with me

Leave this mess behind

We shall see what we can be

Adventures we shall find

Unicorns and fairy folk

Will be our guides I'm sure

Be sure to wear your woolen cloak

The path leads through the moor

Bring a snack along as well

Tucked in your ample vest

Perhaps a trinket too we'll sell

Or give as grateful guest

We shall need both tent and kettle

For frequent stops and rests

Camps may harbor stinging nettle

And other loathsome pests

What's that you say

You think you'll pass

Too high a price to pay

Then refill my empty glass

And I'll be on my way

~Ellen Apple, 07 July 2014

It has been a week today that my brother-in-law Allen Apple passed away. Roger wrote, for all of the love and concern that has been sent his way, the following:

(as he wrote it – no edits or corrections)

Thank You too All that wished me and My Family Well

It has been a week of Allens Passing ‘ His history on our earth is over. But now I sit alone in a movie theater with Memories Flooding on a constant Loop with tears, Smiles and what ifs

To All Thank You Love you

Allen called me Arlo (here he drew three teardrops)

~ Ellen Apple 7/7/2016

Howl at the Dark Horse

The dark horse will gallop

The cold wind will howl

Thunder roll and lightning flash

Red clouds boil across the sky

Heat and chill will meet then clash

Chattering calls of mad magpie

Keening cry in dead of night

Laments of empty day brought

Feed the endless appetite

Always seeking never caught

From the dragons goblet drink

Chase the magic from the day

Teeters oh so close the brink

Far from meadows of the fae

Ride that dark horse long and hard

Past that river of blue ice

Howling you greet yon graveyard

Once this journey will suffice

The dark horse will gallop

The cold wind will howl

~ Ellen Apple 7/4/2016

writing prompt Howl at the Dark Horse 

the muted voice in the empty room

in the between time

in the between time when our

talk is awkward and eyes dart

and we appear to cower 

at the concept much less art

of crafting relation from

acquaint a ship floats apart

sails grab the wind ignore scum

and glides following no chart

ripples on surface become

a point on which focus part

hope more fear then waves crash

beauty and bare honesty 

fill in the between time now

~ ellen apple 7/3/2016

Elegy

Elegy

Words in lonely echoes fall
No ear to  count their metre
Once a full and bustling hall
Hosts not serf nor praetor

Dust motes in the air drift down
And gather in the corners
Stir as versifier turned clown
Searches but no mourners 

Sit in solemn grief at loss
Off they scattered oblivious
All had fallen to dross 
Daily life was lascivious

Most were lured by promises
Of greater finds afield
Left were doubting Thomases 
Awkward pens to wield


~ Ellen Apple 6/29/2016 

Walnut Bridge

Once a towering black walnut stood
Sentinel o'er river birch and lilac wood
Until storm and time conspired
One fated night the mighty tree expired
Leaning listing left to decay mold

Weeks and seasons and weather passed
Still precariously leaned a drunken mast
Thus explored by curious cat and snake
A shelter for bird and rabbit did make
Through blistering heat and icy cold 

April so harsh May left behind
June brought wind and storm most unkind
An epic elemental fight
In aftermath of the darkest night
Morning and new purposes unfold

A footbridge for wildlife will span
Meandering stream untamed by man
A surface smooth easily traversed
Each confident step well rehearsed
Nature is a wonder to behold


~ Ellen Apple 06-25-2014

Wednesday Rain

Rain greyed skies deepen the greens
Weigh down the leaves as the trees bow
Teardrops splatter the page in front of me
Even as rain falls across the flowers 
In my garden outside

My heart now a garden of sorrows 
Too much inside of me
For the waiting sun to magic make
Or the moon to comfort give 
For time marches on 

In the wake of
In spite of
In the face of
The splintered broken shell
That once was a life well-lived well-loved

~ Ellen Apple 06-25-2014

Life as a Flower (for Rhonda)

Life as a Flower (for Rhonda)

We start out as a bud
Close tight secure
Our family surrounding us
Like the newly formed petals

Time progresses 
Petals expand
Multiply
Friends are added 
Varying hues and sizes

One by one
They wither 
fade
dropping 
away

Exposing the heart

Friends move on
Loved ones pass 

Leaving us with 
Memories
Questions unanswered
Hopes 
Dreams 
drifting down

Scattered  
torn fragments

The heart remains
It too perishes

We are reborn  
seeds planted
containing a fragment
a bit 
Our essence

That which brings a smile
A tear
Lingers 

Minds forget
Hearts do not

~ Ellen Apple 06-21-2014

Solstice Shower

Thunder rolls through
Rumbling
Echoing off the mountains

Rainwater dripping 
Plopping 
Puddling on the lawn chairs

Lightning flashes
Lighting up the dim room
Momentarily knocking out power

In twelve hours 
We celebrate 
The sun

Summer Solstice
Litha

He must be getting all
Gussied up today
Splashing in the tub

Singing in
A booming baritone
To a captive audience

~ Ellen Apple 06/20/2014

Attempt at a poem

A small stone
I hold in my hand
Some call it a rock
I don't understand

Rock sounds so harsh
All pointy and sharp
A jagged departure
Always standing apart

Pebble now a better
Term yet elusive
Rambling about 
Dislodged with a shove

A stone is worn smooth
By time and place
Easily fitting into
Its current space

The rock is heavy
Sinking to the deep
The pebble too mobile
Always on the top of the heap

I shall stick with the small stone
Easily cupped in my hand
Ever present to ponder
Perhaps someday to understand

~ Ellen Apple 06/19/2014

Wednesday Words

Two humans and two cats reside

In our humble abode

The man and woman never hide

When weather is in overload

The cats now that is another tale

That gives one pause to think

When there is thunder and lightening and hail

They hide underneath the sink

~ Ellen Apple 06/18/2014

Defining Moments

Defining moments 
Happen all the time
Quiet little snippets
Ignored
While looking for sublime

A breeze
A smile
An attentive ear
Defining moments
Happen all the time

~Ellen Apple 06-13-2014

A Miscellany of Mental Meanderings in May

I really really try to be positive. There is so much gloom, despair, and misery everywhere you look. I am not a PollyAnna. Far from it actually. I know all too well there are dark, evil, despicable people in the world. I have known my fair share of them to be sure. I have worked most of my life in jobs that have brought me in direct contact with the public. Anyone who has cashiered, clerked, worked collections, customer service, or at a call center will more than likely concur. I like to think that there is a balance to life, equal light to dark, but I know that is a very simplistic view. More apt would be varying shades of gray, and ever evolving and melding shades at that, because people are not simple. We are a complex, complicated, mercurial species. The two words that I feel are used most erroneously in relation to the behavior of people are always and never. 


I recently read several Facebook status updates referencing people with rainbow and unicorn outlooks on life, and I can see how in general my facebook activity may seem to reflect a Unicorn Rainbow persona, but that is so not me. I have my demons, my darkside as it were. I tend to be pragmatic, and more suspicious of the motivations of others than you might think. I have been lied to, deceived, let down, used, abused, and berated enough over the 54 or so years that I have conscious memory of that most of the glitter has worn off of the filter I see the world through. 

My husband and I recently had an interesting end of life conversation. We are opposites in this area. I want no heroic measures, no life support, no experimental treatments. Comfort level of drugs, honor my organ donor status, cremation or green burial. No chemicals or long drawn out funerals. He wants to not be unplugged or turned off. His reasoning is interesting, though. He feels that his consciousness will have lots of time for out of body travel that way. Living wills and end of life directives are definitely on the to-do list for us.

#yesallwomen and #notallmen are really dominating Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr this week. My own personal history, much of which is not public knowledge, ( and you thought I told everything??? Oh My Goodness! ) greatly impacts my ability to be able to engage in this particular maelstrom. I will refer to the first paragraph here, and remind you that each person, each situation, each event has a maze of cause and effect. We will never know all, or be able to view an event after the fact objectively. 

Remember The Four Agreements!

I try really hard to be as non-political as I can when I am on social media, but sometimes it is really difficult. Part of the reason I am reluctant to engage in online political discourse is that I am very much a situational voter, and have beliefs that run the gamut of accepted ideologies. There are causes that I believe in, don't think there are not. I just choose to not argue about things in a forum where it takes at times only one or two comments for things to really get ugly, and minds are seldom changed. 

The cat we call Four has three kittens, and is sheltering them in a place that I can see from the window in the laundry area at the back of the house. I really enjoyed doing the laundry today! 

An eight word poem:

Attitude

Gratitude

Plenitude

Servitude

Magnitude

Latitude

Platitude

Dude!

Monday Adieu

A clear glass dish
Holding Gemstones of Spring -
Deep Purple Blackberries
Magenta Raspberries
Royal Blue Blueberries
Burgundy Strawberries
Sprinkled with sugar, glistening like diamonds
Briefly
Then slowly liquefying in the pink juices of the
Strawberries

Warm from the oven
Just baked butter cake
1-2-3-4
Simple is best,
Just a splash of vanilla at the end

Ice Cold metal bowl bearing
Cloud-like mounds
Just whipped cream
Barely sweetened

What better way
To bid adieu
To a Monday?

~Ellen Apple 05-19-2014

There is a restlessness in me

There is a restlessness in me
A yearning 
A longing
A thought fighting to be free

I sense a loneliness inside
A chill 
An emptiness
As if I have lost my guide

Looking around I cannot discern
The instigator 
The catalyst
How desperately I yearn

My soul is but a mirror
A reflection
A contemplation
Drawing warmth nearer

My answers will rest within
A child
A rainbow
Just where they have always been

~ Ellen Apple 04-30-2014

The Knob

The Knob

 

I have a tale to share here

Of a stalwart mountain woman

Who lived with her man nigh on forty years

In a ramshackle clapboard house

 

Chicken coops, a ramshackle barn

A straggly vegetable patch

Hogwire fencing on gray cedar posts

Front door painted haint blue

 

Rickety steps with no handrail

Lace curtains blow in the breeze

Clothesline strung from house to shed

An old coon dog and a stray tomcat

 

Now she was known to be moody

Some days barely spoke a word

He was called a mean 'un around these parts

And got liquored up more often than not

 

The house sat halfway up a hill

Of the sort you see hereabouts

A hill so steep and daunting

Only goats and sheep would climb it

 

Through time and season

Pathways will wear at random

As the livestock traipse to and fro

Amidst stones and briars and clover beds

 

At the top of the hill was a flat top rock

That stood about two feet tall

A perfect place to sit a spell

And take the scenery in

 

Now this woman was one rather deep

And would brood for days at her plight

Barren of child and bound to her man

Almost drove her insane

 

From time to time she would go out

And stand in her yard

Staring hard and long towards that rock

Jaw clenched tight in apron and dress

 

Off up that hill she would start

Slow at first planting her feet firm

Always looking ahead

Then faster still in a steep straight climb

 

No zigzag paths for her trail were taken

She was a woman on a mission

If one were close enough to see her face

Tear streaked dirt tracks would be there

 

And trembling lower lip

What put her in such a state might vary

Depending on the day or time

But oh she knew with no doubt at all

 

Exactly what her day would bring

So off she strode slow at first

Then faster as she went

The last few yards would be at a trot

 

Until she reached that flat top rock

Then there she would sit in the healing sun

Her face turned to the sky

And bit by bit her rage and pain

 

Would drift away to the clouds

It is said were it not for the knob

At the top of that hill so steep

Her rage would have grown so hard and hot

 

No man could have stood in her way

Her life was hard

Her pleasures few

I am sure glad she had the knob

 

~Ellen Apple 03/20/2014

 

 

 

 

~Mary Brown, Photographer

 

 

Fighting Sea Monsters-A poem

Fighting Sea Monsters

 

The sky awash in roiling grey clouds

Rumbles of thunder vibrate the leaves

Electricity crackles in the air

As lightening dances along the ground

 

We are transported

 

The porch is now a storm tossed ocean

The swing a pirate ship at full sail

 

Look ahead!

Man the wheel!

 

Leviathans are on the move

They threaten the lives of all aboard

Ready the cannon

Harpoons at hand

 

Brought to bay we have

No recourse but fight

Each to their task

Hesitate? Never 

 

Yet the adventure ends

Life pulls us back

With the lure of snacks

 

Peanut Butter sandwiches with Grape Jelly

Cherry Kool-Aid

Chocolate Chip cookies

 

Oh to be

Ten years old again

On a stormy Summer afternoon

When the porch was an ocean

The Swing was a ship

And the street light poles

Were the only monsters we knew

 

 

~Ellen Apple 03/18/2014

 

 



Monday Musing

A stream of my consciousness

My mind dwelt in the past yesterday
Now yesterday is the past
One of the oddities of life,
It never stays still but is indeed
That perpetual motion machine
We heard about in schooldays

I found an interesting consistency
In the impermanence of life
As my recent past visited my past distant
Yesterday
Concerning playmates and friends
Regarding personality and traits

We all want to be correct as we go about
Our day to day life
The SAT scores and academic accolades
Having left a standard we use to measure
Ourselves and others for decades
For lifetimes

I read a book once where the author
Proclaimed
His life knowledge was from
Kindergarten
I believe this was true
However

Having contemplated ruminated and meditated
My conclusion is as follows
As long as we try put adults into
The same molds they fit as 15 year olds
We will continue to be dismayed
And hopefully amazed ?
When they just will not stay in stasis

~Ellen Apple
17 March