The Unanswered Call

The Unanswered Call

A ringing summons

Unheeded

Who misses more

From which side of the chasm

Is the message more

From the sender

Urgency

The recipient

Need

Abyss in the interim

~Ellen Apple 10-16-2014

Apple (Roger, the calm - the gentle - the artist ) has been feeling under the weather for a few days, and I in my own way have been very concerned. From the time we met his essence was the perfect shape to fit the void in my life, his grounded ways and creative flights of fancy were just what my own oddities needed as a counter balance. We have been pretty much inseparable for over 13 years, and have created a reality for ourselves here on the creek by the river that suits us well. When he is not feeling well, I become very concerned.

I worked last evening, and about half an hour before I was to clock out and come home, I called the house to see if there was anything he needed, some tidbit to tantalize his taste buds, a craving for food or drink that was not on hand here at the house. 

I called, the phone rang ten times and went to voicemail. I hung up, redialled, no answer again. 

When I got home, he was sound asleep, resting well, the cats spread across his body like extra furry little space heaters. The phone was in the floor, I am sure pushed there by Smokie, who has loved the act of clearing tables since she was a wee thing. The back had popped off, and the battery connection jarred loose. Dead phone. That was why he did not answer. 

He was fine, and I was relieved. This small poem was written as I contemplated missed calls.

I hope your day is well. 

Saturday Sojourner

A rare Saturday at home, and I need to be doing things, but here I sit at the computer. I have not blogged in a week, the days just seem to pile up sometimes. I was off work my usual Tuesday and Wednesday - but my dear sweet Shirley at work brought me three books last weekend, so I read three books on my days off. Actually five books, because one was a three-in-one softback. Light, easy reading. The 3-in-1 was a trio of modern romances, ala Silhouette and Harlequin. There was also a Nicholas Sparks novel (he always makes me cry!) and a John Grisham book about a quarterback playing NFL-style football in Parma, Italy. 

Here in pictures I present our week at Little Beaver Creek. 

Pendant from a piece of Black Walnut

The back is beautiful as well 

A piece of envelope art 

We now have business cards

Gourd Harvest

Dalek gourd and four baby boos

Mabon is two years old this weekend

Smokie is so laid back

and totally uninterested in the camera

She actually tried to take the Dalek out of the basket

A box for a totem made for a friend

Elephant totem from creek rock - The twine is hemp

Now I am going to shop a bit. We need cat and people food.

Fragments from a Friday

Driving across the ridge today, I encountered a slightly scary situation. A pickup truck, in a curve, in front of which was a very startled young deer. Skittering on the pavement. Thankful I have new brakes on the car and I am going very slow. I and the truck both come to a complete stop. The deer makes it to an embankment, and bolts to safety.Later, as I am driving through Glade Hollow, a trio of brilliant red cardinals sweep up and around and into the treeline. Mother Nature thanking me for not injuring that graceful creature just minutes before? I like to think so.

From Buddhist Boot Camp : Yesterday someone asked me a question that I often ask others, "What is your biggest struggle in life right now?" Initially I said that witnessing so many people create their own suffering is heartbreaking, and it is, but upon further reflection, I think that what hurts even more is that it has somehow become socially acceptable for people to publically express frustration by yelling, slamming doors, copping an attitude, giving someone the finger, or storming out of the room. It's true that television depicts this behavior as normal, but it's television, not reality (we used to know the difference between the two), and now we not only accept this behavior as "normal", we actually feel validated because "everyone else is doing it!" And yet vulnerability and sensitivity, which is truly our greatest strength, are still frowned-upon as a sign of weakness (especially with men), with grace and honesty being significantly more courageous than a bad temper, if you ask me! Let's not accept rude behavior as a form of entertainment, it is adult bullying at best, and downright violent at its worst. Treat others the way you would treat the Buddha... always.

I love the serendipitous twists and turns my life takes sometimes. I went to C&R Variety, and found these three HooDoo soaps for $1 each. The Sandolo is sandlewood complexion soap. They were made in Peru. I love the packaging. Yes, they will be put within a wooden treasure box ( I like the term casket for this particular box  ) Shari gave me.

Self-Indulged today. Because I decided I deserve it! Drove to Abingdon to Kroger and bought their store-brand of French roast coffee, my favorite already ground coffee. Browsed around C&R Variety (lordy, I live junked up thrift stores) then went to The Old Pioneer Barn and bought BBQ sandwiches for supper. Came home, made a pot of coffee, and had a mug with Southern Butter Pecan Creamer (omg!!!) and a slice of Sock-It-To-Me cake.

“As long as you fear judgment, there is a sensed lack of freedom to be who you are. Be finished with the prison of others' opinions.” ~ Gangaji

Deer bone, with design burnt in then painted, Arrow head hand knapped and the owl was then carved out then painted, As you can see it fits in the palm of my hand. Native owl design. The "x" on the back of the deer bone is Roger's mark that is incorporated on everything he makes.

“There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading in the same direction, so it doesn’t matter which path you take. The only one wasting time is the one who runs around and around the mountain, telling everyone that his or her path is wrong.” ~ Hindu teaching

Owl came in from work Thursday night, and Apple had documented his cat sitting success - Smokie is there too, she just isn't as colorful as Mabon!

Awesome August 2014 Sunday Blessings

I thought I had lost my muse

(Too much time listening to the news)

I kept seeing spiders and webs appear

Grandmother was still very near

An entire universe lives alongside my creek

The fairies they danced, and gave me a peek

This is Hootie. Sitting on the remains of a black walnut tree that now provides a bridge for the cats to cross Little Beaver Creek and catch yummies to eat (because they have pretty much exhausted the natural food supply on our little acre).

We have Althea (Hibiscus) in bloom. The ruffled petals look like party dresses, discarded by fairies after a night of cavorting with Dragonflies and Lightening Bugs. Perchance a ride on the unicorn as well?

 

Roger planted ornamental gourd seed once , about five years ago. Now we have at least one volunteer vine a year. A lagniappe from the earth. 

Awesome August 2014 Number 13

My spirits drooped

My shoulders slooped

I craved a lift

A cosmic shift

Too much sad news

Gives one the blues

I turned to - Who?

It wasn't you

Two cats now nap

Hours on my lap

Purring warmth send

My soul to mend

A Miscellany of Mental Meanderings in May

I really really try to be positive. There is so much gloom, despair, and misery everywhere you look. I am not a PollyAnna. Far from it actually. I know all too well there are dark, evil, despicable people in the world. I have known my fair share of them to be sure. I have worked most of my life in jobs that have brought me in direct contact with the public. Anyone who has cashiered, clerked, worked collections, customer service, or at a call center will more than likely concur. I like to think that there is a balance to life, equal light to dark, but I know that is a very simplistic view. More apt would be varying shades of gray, and ever evolving and melding shades at that, because people are not simple. We are a complex, complicated, mercurial species. The two words that I feel are used most erroneously in relation to the behavior of people are always and never. 


I recently read several Facebook status updates referencing people with rainbow and unicorn outlooks on life, and I can see how in general my facebook activity may seem to reflect a Unicorn Rainbow persona, but that is so not me. I have my demons, my darkside as it were. I tend to be pragmatic, and more suspicious of the motivations of others than you might think. I have been lied to, deceived, let down, used, abused, and berated enough over the 54 or so years that I have conscious memory of that most of the glitter has worn off of the filter I see the world through. 

My husband and I recently had an interesting end of life conversation. We are opposites in this area. I want no heroic measures, no life support, no experimental treatments. Comfort level of drugs, honor my organ donor status, cremation or green burial. No chemicals or long drawn out funerals. He wants to not be unplugged or turned off. His reasoning is interesting, though. He feels that his consciousness will have lots of time for out of body travel that way. Living wills and end of life directives are definitely on the to-do list for us.

#yesallwomen and #notallmen are really dominating Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr this week. My own personal history, much of which is not public knowledge, ( and you thought I told everything??? Oh My Goodness! ) greatly impacts my ability to be able to engage in this particular maelstrom. I will refer to the first paragraph here, and remind you that each person, each situation, each event has a maze of cause and effect. We will never know all, or be able to view an event after the fact objectively. 

Remember The Four Agreements!

I try really hard to be as non-political as I can when I am on social media, but sometimes it is really difficult. Part of the reason I am reluctant to engage in online political discourse is that I am very much a situational voter, and have beliefs that run the gamut of accepted ideologies. There are causes that I believe in, don't think there are not. I just choose to not argue about things in a forum where it takes at times only one or two comments for things to really get ugly, and minds are seldom changed. 

The cat we call Four has three kittens, and is sheltering them in a place that I can see from the window in the laundry area at the back of the house. I really enjoyed doing the laundry today! 

An eight word poem:

Attitude

Gratitude

Plenitude

Servitude

Magnitude

Latitude

Platitude

Dude!

Facebook Excerpts

On Priorities

There was a horrible mix-up in the breakfast program where I live this winter one day when schools were on late schedule. As a result, the breakfast was not available. There were some very hungry children, needing to eat because they were getting physically ill from hunger. I have a friend who teaches here and she and other teachers were scrambling through their personal goody stashes to hand out Cheezits and other goodies. The issue has been resolved, thankfully. There are bookbag programs at the community colleges, many churches and service organizations to provide food for children who have no access to reliable nutrition on the weekend. Puddings, Fruit Cups, Juice Boxes, Snack Crackers. Dammit, people, children need to eat. What in the name of all that is holy is wrong with our society?

I have nothing against animals, handicapped children, bullied children, missing adults, children with ADHD, Autism, Aspergers or anything else. But it puzzles me the way people will jump on the bandwagon of a "trending" issue and get all frothing at the mouth and sit back and blame the children by default by disparaging the fact that they are in a position of need and receive free/reduced lunches or have to depend on adults who receive government benefits.

There were over 2 million people that liked a Facebook Page for a little boy who felt othered at school, he received dozens of gifts, thousands of cards, went on GMA, was given a trip to Disney World. That is great, I am happy for him. Why not pay this type of care and attention to the children in every school system in this country who depend on schools who are closed on weekends and during breaks and vacation as the primary source of their nutrition?

Do we not draw a correlation between poor test scores and nutritional deficiencies? We should be doing so. If you are hungry you get headaches, you cannot concentrate, your blood sugar levels will spike and drop. School funding is tied to test scores, teachers are punished because the children perform poorly. Look in the cafeteria!

Look at your priorities, people. Personally, I think people pay attention to and give towards big stories as a way of avoiding the bigger problems. That is why we are so concerned about Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian and Lindsey Lohan.

On Life and Loss

One thing that happens with increasing frequency as you grow older is the passing away of people who are a part of the weaving of the fabric of your life. Our parents, relatives, friends, neighbors. Growing up in a small town, as I did, and having a large family and an even larger 'almost family', as I have, these losses are coming faster and faster for me.

My father, who was born in 1915, lived... most of his life in the same neighborhood. There was a family that lived across from my grandparents by the name of Shook. They had a son, Bill, who had 3 daughters and a son. His oldest daughter Kathy is the same age as my sister. They had a daughter, Helen, who had 3 daughters and a son. Her two oldest daughters are the same age as my sister and me. They had a daughter, Margie, who has (I think!) two sons and a daughter. There was a blind gentleman, Willard, who was a relative of the Shooks that lived with them that I remember giving us sticks of Juicy Fruit gum. Mrs. Shook still lives in the same house.

At various times, we (Ed, Carol, Mom, and myself) delivered the Bluefield Daily Telegraph to the Shooks, Margie's family, and Helen's family. (Bill did not live in Dalton Addition) Bill became a well known and much loved minister in our little community.

Word has reached me this morning that he passed away yesterday, and thus the fabric of my past has another broken thread. He may not have remembered me if I had encountered him these past years, and I doubt that any of his children other than Kathy would know who I am. I feel very badly for them, losing a father is a hard thing to go through. He lived well, was well loved, and will be well remembered. That is a wonderful legacy. They will be surrounded by family and friends, looked after with care and concern. Because that is what we do for each other.

When people are hurting, we look after them with care and concern. That is the good, and fine, and noble part of being a human. Love, care and concern for one another. And when we do it well, we can become a thread in the fabric that makes up another young person's life that is woven in a distinct manner that will be missed when it breaks, as all threads eventually do. (From March 15)

 

My Husband

 

Hello, Owl here. Today is a very special day, it is Apple's birthday. Join me in wishing him a big Happy Birthday in appreciation for the creativity, vision and talent he shares with the world. He is the embodiment of the term "gentle giant", standing tall at 6'6" and having a heart that is as big as the outdoors he prefers to spend his time in. ( From March 14)

 

A Poem

There may have been unicorns
In the wee hours of this day
Mist hung in the air
Dripping from the bare branches
Almost indiscernible buds beginning to form
On the tips of the trees
Wild violets are out
Soon to carpet the yard
Followed by dandelion
And clover...
The creek has been singing all winter
Ever on the move
That is why I think there may have been
Unicorns in the wee hours
They daintily snack on
Tender young violets
Sip from the cold creek pools
Slip away in the mist
Seen only by sharp eyed cats
And the fairies of the land

~Roberta Ellen Apple 03/15/2014

 

 

Things that made me smile this week

Roger's view on life, tolerance and playing well with others:

Apple Speaks:

There is one thing every human has in common.
No matter what country, what religion, what gender, what sexual orientation, what political views,

What everybody has in common in their lifetime they all have to go to the grocery store/marketplace/bazaar/fields for food, shelter, clothing.

There will always be a clean up on aisle three.

When you look at different people they reall...y are not that different after all.

Everybody has one favorite thing that they want the most, one favorite thing they love to eat. That means that we all have to see the thing that is the same in us and quit looking for the difference because we do not all have the same favorite thing.

My favorite thing is homemade ice cream with fresh, fresh peaches.

Just pay attention the next time you are out around other people. You will see what I mean.

A Poem I wrote:



Take my wagon to the woods

That is what I should do

Dig some 'seng

Find some ramps

Search out those dry-land fish



Take my wagon to the meadow

That is what I should do

Gather dandelions and clover

Cut some lavender

Brew me some thistle tea



Take my wagon to the fair

That is what I should do

Read some cards

Dance and twirl

Sing the Moon to sleep





- Roberta Ellen Smith Apple, 02/27/2014

This was our sky on Thursday.

Roger is making a crescent moon from a piece of cedar he found in our creek.

My babies.