I Still Miss You Just Because

You were not supposed to leave me
That was not a part of the plan
We were going to go our separate ways
Then in golden years be together again

In a different day and time
We would have maybe had a chance
But fate in her fickle way
Led us an impossible dance

Remember that mountainside house
Resting among the trees
Well, I live in it now
Though the yard is grown to weeds

Our parents thought we would marry
Your sisters did as well
They never accepted your lifestyle
Thought you would burn in hell

I never looked at it thus
And I think you knew this truth
You were more than that to me
In your death and in our youth

I will admit it still makes me pissed
When I remember you broke our pact
Then I will wryly chuckle
Because you were really a class act

You lived your life to the fullest
Drank long and full from that cup
And even in death you stay with me
My memory won't give you up

They burned you and scattered your ashes
Had a blow-out party to boot
I could not (would not) be there
To watch your vibrancy reduced to soot

You ever live in my heart's core
As we were when we were twenty
And even when I have bad days
Those days uplift me plenty

I hope you forgive me these lapses
Into what might have been and was
They come to me unexpected
I still miss you just because

~ Ellen Apple 06/12/2015