In Need

One never knows the twists and turns life journey will take, one never knows which decision, which choice will be the right one, which will be the wrong one.

I am not sure what people see when they look at me, at my life. I try to be a kind, compassionate, caring person. I know I can be harsh, impatient, callous. Human nature is comprised of a conglomeration of traits - virtues, flaws, defects, an idiosyncratic.mixture that is constantly re-configuring itself.

I know I am stubborn, and proud. I know I like to laugh, and  tend towards obsessively over think situations. I am insecure in a lot of ways, and am prone to rash decisions. If people were separated into 2 groups, one being those who burn the bridges as they cross the rivers from one phase of life to the next and the other being those who maintain a smooth continuity of connections and relationships I would fall into the burner category more often than not.

I have learned these things about myself. I do the best I can, and I suppose in the end that is all any of us can do.

We as a culture judge. We look at others lives and make assumptions and judgments based on what we see. None of us know what circumstances, experiences, influences have brought a person to the particular point in the life we are privy to.

I have been out of work since October of 2010. I have a husband who is on Social Security disability. We have a house payment and monthly expenses that have not been treated kindly by the current economy. I have applied for so many jobs I have lost count.

We have had kindnesses extended, gifts from friends and relatives that have been there to provide when I could not see how provision would come. They know who they are, and they know the depth of my gratitude for their generosity.

I cannot ask for a personal loan from anyone because I do not know if or when I would be able to repay a loan. I list and list and list handmade items for sale on eBay and nothing sells. Our savings are gone. I fear our electricity may be disconnected soon.

I am in need, and I am making an open plea for charity.

This is so embarrassing for me to write. I just do not know what else to do. Any suggestions?