31 days to a kinder me. Day 7.

Attitude is not just an internal mindset. Attitude begins in your mind, and communicates in so many ways with others. Attitude shows. 

In the tilt of a head, in the raise of an eyebrow, the hint of a smile, a furrowing of the forehead, slumped shoulders, sighs, tone of voice, stressing certain words or syllables. Myriad ways and varied degrees. Attitude shows. 

It all starts in your head. It is a matter of intention. A small thing that makes a big difference. If I go into a situation expecting turmoil and strife, I am probably going to find turmoil and strife. 

If I have an attitude of calm - peace - confidence I am going to have a more positive and affirming experience. It can be difficult to be in good attitude. But unpleasant situations are not improved by discord and pettiness. 

I can be a kinder me by having a better attitude and not always expecting the worst. This brings to mind something I saw on Facebook: Congratulations. As of today, you have survived 100% of your worst days.

Think about it.

31 days to a kinder me. Day 6.

I can meet negativity in various ways.

I can reflect the negativity back into my life, spreading more negativity.

I can deflect the negativity away from me, and not show concern for where it lands.

I can absorb the negativity and allow it to alter how I interact with humankind.

I can absorb the negativity and replace it with kindness and affirming actions and attitudes.

I like that last option the best.

There will always be haters, doubters, people who do not believe in my ability to live a kind and compassionate life. I have the power and the inner resources to live a life that is authentic to my beliefs and goals. That is my choice.

Patience, understanding, kindness, empathy.

If enough people choose these, we can change the world - for the betterment of all humankind.

Todays post is in honor of a kind and consistent friend on his birthday. I am so glad to have you a part of my life, Thomas "Chuck" Edwards. 

31 days to a kinder me. Day 5.

What are the things that I use as excuses to not be involved - engaged - participatory? 

Do what you can ... I cannot change the world. I cannot single-handedly eradicate war, poverty, hunger, and disease. I cannot single-handedly heal the planet. But there is much I can do. I can be loving, compassionate, kind, generous, patient. I can be a good steward of my resources, and my immediate environment. 

I can be the person I would like to be friends with. I may not have everything but what I do have I can use to my best abilities.

I can help a friend, a neighbor. I can offer a smile, hold open a door, pause instead of rushing in front of a fellow shopper. 

I can drop my spare change in a donation jar, round up my debit/credit purchase to give to CMN, buy the 2 for 1 specials and give the extra canned goods to a local pantry. I can support the efforts of teachers and community leaders to span the gap in the nutritional needs of our future - our children. 

I can be kind, not selfish. We all can. We can do what we can, with what we have, where we are.

31 days to a kinder me. Day 4.

If I want to be treated with kindness, I must first be kind to myself. Then I must treat others with kindness. Only then do I have a reasonable expectation that others will be kind towards me. How, then, am I to be kind to me? 

I think most of us tend to be harsher towards ourselves than others. We have that pesky inner dialogue that never shuts up. Even when we are able to mask our less than noble intentions, and less than charitable thoughts, from everyone, we still know, don't we? And that struggle is ever present. I am not saying that I am evil, rotten, selfish, self-serving to the core. I am just saying that I am more aware of my failings and foibles, and that is not always a warm and fuzzy feeling to have. 

I can edit my words, and monitor to some degree my non-verbal cues as well, but that inner me is always on, and is brutally honest. I need to learn to be nicer to me. I need to be kind in small and large ways to me. For it is only when I can say, "It's ok, and you are doing the best you can at this time in this situation." that I am able to extend the same kindness to others. 

Self-deprecation can go too far, and I am of the opinion that it is a defense mechanism. I need to say, "You did well in this way. Yes, you need to maybe do better here or there, but overall, not bad. Not bad at all." When I put myself down, it is preemptive - If I call attention to my less than stellar performance, or quality, then I am shielding myself from the hurt and anger that wells up when others do so. It is like this mechanic I knew years ago in Florida - Denny. He would deliberately let oil or grease get on his fresh uniform very early in the day. Then he was ok with any mishaps, because the clean was already gone. He knew that he would be dirty by the end of a job, so he took care of the irritation of that first smear of grease or oil right off the bat. It freed him from the worry of messing up for the remainder. 

That may work fine with hands on labor and tasks, but it is a disaster when it comes to how we treat ourselves emotionally. If I deliberately treat myself in a harsh manner, it is sending a message that harsh is what I expect, what I deserve. After I have made myself feel like crap, it is all too easy to pass along that negative energy and attitude to friends and strangers alike. And when they treat me the same way in turn, it perpetuates an unhealthy cycle that I started. 

So I need to remember, as Sonya Friedman has said, that the way I treat myself sets the standard for others.

31 days to a kinder me. Day 3.

Living well. What a life purpose that is. Simple words, and a very complex concept. What is it to live well? This Tibetan proverb has four suggestions. 

1. Eat half. Ok, I can see that, at least for me. Eat healthier might be a better way to put this, especially in 2016 in the USA. Of course, there are always those whose take things to the extreme, and moderation seems to be key in this, as in most things in life. 
2. Walk double. Exercise. Maybe spend more time outside when weather and schedule permits. Walk and observe. Experience you surroundings. 
3. Laugh triple. Oh my. How this is needed, for so many people. Things just seem to get so serious, and a big laugh, the kind where your belly hurts and you have tears streaming down your face. Such a cleansing experience. 
4. Love without measure. For me this means to love without expectation, without strings, without pressure. 

How can eating half, walking double, laughing triple, and loving without measure help me be kinder? Eating half, or eating healthier, means that I will feel better physically. So if I feel better, it would seem to follow that I would be easier to be around. It is like those Snickers candy commercials on television. How we feel inside directly affects how we interact with our environment. 

Hand in hand with the eating half is the walking double. Exercise helps us. Everyone knows that. It helps us be more alert, it helps our metabolism function at a more efficient rate, it helps us sleep and rest better at night. 

Laughing triple. There is an old adage that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Be pleasant. Smile at people. Use humor to diffuse tense situations. People laugh at me frequently. Apparently, I have a way of saying things that is funny. I do not mean to be funny, but this has always happened to me. Part of it stems from the blunt factor I wrote about yesterday. I like to smile at people, random strangers in stores, clerks, customers at work, co-workers. I suppose smiling at people is a form of practicing kindness. And when I smile at people, I like to look them in the eye. One thing about laughter though, I think it is very important to take care about the subject matter of your humor. I prefer to poke fun at myself, because I know what subjects are off limits and what personal peccadilloes I am ok with others finding humor in. So laugh at me, and with others. Check.

Love without measure. Just love. Love your life, your family, your pets, your job, your mate, your world. We get one shot at this incarnation, make it count. Love without measure and regrets will be few. Be generous with hugs, when they are welcomed, and make them last long enough for the endorphins to kick in. 

I want to be kinder. I want to be able to be a difference that matters in the lives of others. I think this is a worthwhile, and achievable, goal.

31 days to a kinder me. Day 2.

I tend to be blunt in life, always have been. When I was very young my sister would tell our friends that if you really wanted to know how an outfit looked, just ask Ellen.

I do not think that being blunt is a bad thing. Being self-aware is not a bad thing either, and I have learned that blunt and impetuous are not the same thing. Telling my truth is important, but so is doing so in a manner that does not injure others. 

The meme that I have chosen today is blunt. We cannot always change the circumstances of our life. Where we are is a combination of our actions and choices as well as the choices and actions of countless others. 

What I can do - I can create a life in which I make a conscious effort to live in truth, honesty, and do so in a kind manner that does not unnecessarily hurt or impede others. 

I can take that mental pause, asking is there a better way to say this? I can replace a negative word with a positive phrase. I can not say anything, because many times, presence is all that is required, not words. 

I can be a better version of me. 

31 days to a kinder me. Day 1.

I will listen to the words being spoken, without glancing at the laptop or computer screen or the television. Instead, I will look at the person speaking, and when they are finished - only when they are finished, my response will be to them, not my chance to talk about me. 

via Suspended Coffee (Facebook)